“Don’t Walk Out at Night? How ‘Bout Don’t Rape?”
Have you ever noticed that
when people lecture you and you are a girl that you are always told to not walk
alone, to not go out after dark? Remember the buddy system!
Ever notice that if you wear
clothes that are too tight or "too revealing" that you are a slut or
asking for something to happen to you?
“My
dad is a cop and my mom is a teacher, you would think that, those being their careers,
would have made me telling them that I got raped easier. But in fact it was the
hardest thing that I had to do. I was always told to not be out by myself, to
not trust people, to not be alone with a stranger. Little did we all know that
it was going to be a friend of mine that was going to hurt me? Was going to
take advantage of me not being able to say no. I confided in him that my
brother in law had molested me in my sleep, was that supposed to have been my
fault…”don’t fall asleep in the presence of a man, he could take that as
consent to touch you”?
How do you tell your dad, that yet again
he wasn’t able to protect you, in spite of you needing to just curl up in his
lap and have him tell you that you are safe? And how are you supposed to
respond when he yells at you…that you should have known better?
Or when you tell your mom, and she tells
you that you NEED to report because what if that puke does this to someone
else?
How are you supposed to respond when he
tells your friends that you got what you deserved and that I was asking for it?
“
That right there is my story. Because of
how society deals with rape and the victim blaming, the survivors then have to
deal with hating themselves because they should have been able to stop it.
How
about we break the system of victim blaming and teach guys to just not
disrespect girls who are out by themselves, or dressed how they want, or are
out in the dark. Don't girls deserve to be alone if they want? What if it is a
beautiful starlit night, shouldn't a girl get the chance to go for a moon lit
stroll by herself? I say that yes, she does get to! Break the cycle, let her
walk around naked, and not get
sexually assaulted!
There is never a reason for a
girl to feel unsafe when she is walking around!
Teach boys to love and
respect, not the normal lecture to girls!
Wow, what a powerful story that I applaud you for sharing with us as a class. I'm sure that it is not easy to tell your family and friends this story, let alone people you barely know. I hope that this class gives you more strength to deal with things like this. I have to agree that boys should be taught better, and that the blame should not just be put on the girls. I want to share an article with you (one of my favorites and the one I'm using for my activism piece) by Eve Ensler. It's entitled "over it", in which she talks about being over rape victims being accused, etc. Read it, I think it will help you a lot no matter what stage of your life you are in. Thank you for sharing again, Liz.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/eve-ensler/over-it_b_1089013.html
First of all, I am glad that you feel comfortable enough with our class to share such a personal story. It is a story that we can all take into our hearts and truly understand where you are coming from. I totally agree that women should not be afriad to walk around by themselves at night. Back home, my mom would not even let me drive in the dard by myself, because some creep might drive me off the road (but my mom also worries about EVERYTHING). I totally agree that men should respect independent women and they should be taught to not take advantage of women when they are not with their 'buddy'. Thank you for bringing up this topic, and thank you for trusting us enought to share your personal story.
ReplyDeleteYou are one brave person. I think coming out to your family would be more difficult for me. Im sorry you had to experience this terrible, but I thank you for sharing your story. Our society defiantly victim blames, and it should never be like that. So many victims never report their attackers, of fear or being blamed. I do think this affect both sexes, however, the statistics show that more women report.
ReplyDeleteYou are a very strong person. There needs to be this surge of "stop the victim blaming" momentum. The SLUTWALKS have helped raise awareness, and your blog is another form of activism and clarification. Maybe in a follow up blog, you could interview a person who was never taught "don't rape." Who typically does victim blaming? Could you interview them? where are the misunderstandings coming from rape, when it should be very clear it is not the victims fault? Great blog, thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your story! I completely agree that there should be more of a awareness to everyone in regards to abuse and violence.
ReplyDeleteWow, this was a breathtaking blog. I have never read of anything like this...I have been a little sheltered to topics like this. I am in awe that people act this way, but I do agree that men should be taught differently from the beginning. I feel like everyone has the right to do what they want and still feel safe while doing it. I am not sure what else you could add because this was such a personal blog and I don't have much knowledge on the topic of this issue. I was touched by this blog and it hit me in a different way. I have never read anything like this.
ReplyDeleteI definitely second the theme of this blog, with one minor exception being that we should be teaching all people not to rape and not just one gender. The amount of victim blaming in this culture is extremely atrocious, especially when it's typically only applied during the basis of sex crimes targeted at the female or another marked gender. To my knowledge we don't tend to apply such victim blaming feelings to any other crime on the scale we do to these crimes. And it's definitely not fair to consider a specific group of people unable to control their actions, which is exactly what we say when we blame victims for crimes committed against them.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I want to say that I admire your bravery in sharing your story. As someone who has been the victim of sexual abuse, I know that it is not easy to have your voice be heard and ask for a change, especially with a topic that is so close to you. I completely agree that "slut shaming" and victim blaming has to stop, and it has to stop now. Women should have the right to walk out at night, wear whatever clothing they want, etc., and not have to worry about being raped. I completely agree that we need to start teaching respect, or the cycle will never end.
ReplyDeleteTackling this huge issue is incredibly daunting. As someone who has worked with survivors of sexual assault, I appreciate your mention of the difficulties in coming to the decision to report or choosing not to report.
ReplyDeleteThank you for speaking out! This is how words affect other people (even through poetry) by feeling the emotion of another's experience. This is not an easy thing to talk about and I think you are very brave.
ReplyDeleteYou are a very brave person and your story really connects to any reader who may see this. I too agree everyone should have the feeling of safety whenever they decide to go outside or for whatever they wear but I don't believe that men are solely the ones who need all the learning as there many examples where the tables are turned.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your story. You are a brave person and a strong survivor. My dad is a cop too, and he has always told me to stay vigilant and to never trust boys. Seriously. Working downtown Madison, he often comes across sexual assaults of University students. A lot of the time, the women assaulted are afraid of getting in trouble for drinking or they are embarrassed. He encourages them to report it and wants to hold the assailant accountable. I am glad you were able to share your experience with your parents and have them support and care for you. Victim blaming is very real and very common. We should not be telling women to use the buddy system as a way to not get raped. We should be holding assailants accountable-telling them NOT TO RAPE. Society is definitely putting the emphasis and responsibility on the wrong person, and the SLUTWALKS are a good protest against it. Maybe for your next blog, you could explore the manifesto and story behind the SLUTWALK protests! :)
ReplyDeleteA wonderful contrast from the popular paradigm, definitely. I love seeing this idea propagate like it has been, finally putting responsibility on attackers rather than victims which, conversely, is such a winless battle. I love your strong conviction in the post. Your images aren't working, though - you should look at your blog after you publish it and troubleshoot to make sure everything looks exactly the way you want it to.
ReplyDeleteThe victim blaming program needs to be stopped when kids are young. Often victim blaming type lessons are learned when they are young. How is it possible to change a way of thinking what needs to be done to show people the truth. The first question should never be what were you wearing. It should be a culture that enacts support for victims instead of the shame.
ReplyDeleteYou are so brave to share your story. Victim blaming is a big issue that needs to be rectified. I agree that the main concern is for women to feel safe to walk alone and not have the fear of sexual assault. So how do we break this cycle? I think some ideas of how to do this would have been beneficial to the blog.
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