I was Raped

I was raped. By someone that I considered to be a good friend. The first few questions I was asked by everyone were, “Were you drunk?” "Are you sure?” "What were you wearing?". 

What the hell would it matter if I had been drunk, that's an even better case for me to get raped I wouldn't have been able to give real consent then for sex!

I was not drunk. Though my rapist did ask me if I had wanted a drink. I said no! (My first time saying no of the night)

Am I sure that I got raped? No I'm not sure if a penis entered my vagina when I didn't want it there. I mean really? 

I was so scared to tell my roommate who had sort of had a thing with this guy. I was so scared that she was going to be mad at me for having any type of sex with him. I was so scared that it meant that the number of guys that I had had sex with would go up and that, that would make me look bad. 

What was I wearing?!?!?! I was wearing sweat pants, and a t-shirt. No make-up and my hair up in a bun. Oh yea soooo sexy right? Really? You are going to ask me what I was wearing when I was just raped?

He had asked me if I had any candy left from Halloween, as it was the night after. I said I had some suckers, and he asked if I would bring some down. (We were in the same dorm) I said sure. 

I brought him the sucker, and we were hanging out in his room with his roommates watching TV. When his roommates left to go work out, he started getting flirty. He started touching me a little bit more. Now at this time I had thought that he was a cute guy, we had messed around before so I thought nothing of it. But then he started getting aggressive with his touching. He would lock his arm and try to touch my vagina through my pants. And I would try to move his hand away, but he wouldn't. He was so much stronger then I was. That's when I knew that something bad was going to happen. I could feel it in my stomach. I stood up and got behind me as I was sitting in my chair. And started kissing me that way. I was in such a vulnerable position, I was sitting, and he was standing over me. He was stronger then I was. And he had locked the door. He had me stand up then. He was trying to take my pants off. And I finally just slapped his hands away and said knock it off. So he attempted to stop being so aggressive. He then led me over to the bunk bed. Slowly. I knew that if I stood with my head against the railing of the top bunk that he wouldn't be able to push me down on the bed. I remember him trying to push my head down so that he could get me on the bed. Which wasn't even his bed, it was his roommate’s bed.

And of course what happens to me when I am already on high alert about all of this? He comes to my place of work. And of course I freak out because it has been a horrible week for all of this kind of stuff. Why does he still get to have this kind of hold on me after 1 year and 4 months? 

And what is the advice of the people who mean the most to me?"Liz you gotta stop doing this. You need to move on. Move past this." 

Because moving on is soooo easy. I wish I would have thought about that, hmm just move on Liz it doesn't work that way. I will struggle with this for the rest of my life. Unfortunately He will be with me forever. This memory and the thought of him are going to stay with me. I have to learn to deal with it and push it as far back as possible, but that doesn't mean that I am not allowed to be upset when I see him. I get to feel that way. I get to be upset! I get to feel however I want to feel. And no one gets to tell me that what I am feeling is wrong!

I was raped. But I am not a victim! I am a survivor. I have survived rape for 504 days so far. I will continue to have that number grow and grow, because I will not become a victim of rape. I will not let him take my life, no matter how easy it may seem to just let it all go.

I AM A SURVIVOR! I OWN MY LIFE AND MY FUTURE!

No Homo...?

Can someone please tell me how "NO HOMO" became such a common phrase for people to say?

 If you go to this website, you can see how many times it is said on twitter:

http://www.nohomophobes.com/#!/today/   

                                                                      

Sorry but I am not capable to tell you that you look good without it making me sound gay, which just so happens to be the worst thing in the whole wide world…. 

I feel like just might be one of the best quotes on the Internet. People need to realize that all anyone wants is to be loved and accepted. What part of that is scary? I guess I just don't get why someone would be so terrified of someone of the same sex thinking that they are attractive.... I feel like that just might be one of the best compliments that you can get. I mean I don’t know about you, but if another girl tells me that they really like my shirt or they think I look good today, hell yea I am going to get a big head about that. They aren't trying to impress me by complimenting me, so you know that it’s honest. 

Stop being scared of nothing...it makes you look weak!

“Don’t Walk Out at Night? How ‘Bout Don’t Rape?”

“Don’t Walk Out at Night? How ‘Bout Don’t Rape?”

Have you ever noticed that when people lecture you and you are a girl that you are always told to not walk alone, to not go out after dark? Remember the buddy system! 

Ever notice that if you wear clothes that are too tight or "too revealing" that you are a slut or asking for something to happen to you?

“My dad is a cop and my mom is a teacher, you would think that, those being their careers, would have made me telling them that I got raped easier. But in fact it was the hardest thing that I had to do. I was always told to not be out by myself, to not trust people, to not be alone with a stranger. Little did we all know that it was going to be a friend of mine that was going to hurt me? Was going to take advantage of me not being able to say no. I confided in him that my brother in law had molested me in my sleep, was that supposed to have been my fault…”don’t fall asleep in the presence of a man, he could take that as consent to touch you”?

      How do you tell your dad, that yet again he wasn’t able to protect you, in spite of you needing to just curl up in his lap and have him tell you that you are safe? And how are you supposed to respond when he yells at you…that you should have known better?    

      Or when you tell your mom, and she tells you that you NEED to report because what if that puke does this to someone else?

      How are you supposed to respond when he tells your friends that you got what you deserved and that I was asking for it? “

      That right there is my story. Because of how society deals with rape and the victim blaming, the survivors then have to deal with hating themselves because they should have been able to stop it.

How about we break the system of victim blaming and teach guys to just not disrespect girls who are out by themselves, or dressed how they want, or are out in the dark. Don't girls deserve to be alone if they want? What if it is a beautiful starlit night, shouldn't a girl get the chance to go for a moon lit stroll by herself? I say that yes, she does get to! Break the cycle, let her walk around naked, and not get sexually assaulted!

There is never a reason for a girl to feel unsafe when she is walking around! 

Teach boys to love and respect, not the normal lecture to girls!

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I am From

I am from a teacher and a protector

I am from one egg and one sperm

I am from a small town, placed in Wisconsin

I am from Italy, Poland, England, and France

I am from lovers, and haters

I am part of a pair, my twin and I

I am from meat eaters and pasta eaters

Farmers and educators

I am from Catholic families

I am from a uecker playing beer-guzzling family

I am from literature reading, educators

I am from a Republican and a Democrat

I am from Mary and Don